Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Resolutions are Hard

Here's the thing. Everyone always talks about their New Year's Resolutions and they make all these grandiose plans of things they want to change, weight they want to lose, things they want to add and they always fail. Or maybe not always but more often than not. It's as if we're all just setting ourselves up for failure. I don't like making a New Year's Resolution for that very reason. However, I do think it's important to have resolutions, to have things that you need (and want) to change about yourself. It's important to always be striving to make yourself a better person, always be striving to be more Christ-like. I just think it's kinda silly to put so much importance into trying to achieve your goals at the beginning of a year instead of starting it whenever.

That's why this is hard for me to write about. I have things about myself that I need and want to change. Things to make me a better person. But I feel so hypocritical doing it now, at the beginning of the new year. I suppose these aren't necessarily new things I'm striving for, I've been struggling with these for a while, but I'm just now really heavy-hearted about it.

I want to be a better person. I need to be a better person. For myself, for Collin, and most importantly for God. There are a few things I struggle with. I tell myself all the time that I'm going to do it, I'm going to succeed this time but then I end up failing and I get frustrated and think to myself that I can't do it anymore, that once I've failed that's it, there's no way I can do this. I look at myself as a failure and a loser because I can't seem to get the simplest thing right. I've said many times "I'm going to work out regularly to get in shape." But then I exercise three times in a row and I miss a day. Well, missing that one day just completely changes my attitude about the whole thing and it's easier and easier to miss more and more days. And so it's been 2 weeks since the last time I exercised and I feel like a failure. I think to myself, "why try again? I'm just going to keep messing up and I'm never going to get the results I want." This is a horrible attitude! It is not the attitude I should have. Everyone fails. I know that in the back of my head but I don't really feel it in my heart. It's so personal to me. I hate being a failure and it's much easier for me to just not exercise at all than to say I'm going to and not do it.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds,

3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
4 Let perseverance finish its work so that
you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1 (NIV)

Thank God for His word. I read this passage yesterday and it hit me that this is what I need to be focusing on. I need to be focusing on the joy of my failures; the joy of my trials so that I can develop perseverance. Right now by giving up and thinking that I can't ever achieve my goals I'm dishonoring God. I'm not being very mature and I certainly am only relying on myself to achieve these goals. And that's just silly since I know I can't do anything on my own. However, I can do anything with Christ on my side (Philippians 4:13). What I really need to achieve my goals is an attitude change!

So from now on, it's me and God doing these things. I know that I'll still fail, I am human after all, but with God's help I can pick myself back up again and I'll reach my goals. It won't be easy, I also know that, which is why it takes perseverance and patience. At least this will be a growing and learning opportunity!
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials,
for we know that they help us develop endurance.

4 And endurance develops strength of character,
and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.

5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment.
For we know how dearly God loves us,
because he has given us the Holy Spirit
to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5 (NLT)

From now on God and I are going to work on me. Together we are going to change my attitude and I'm going to achieve my goals. I'm going to be a better wife. I will treat Collin with all the respect he deserves, even when I'm upset. I will exercise regularly and get myself into shape. I will look at all things in a positive way and bring joy to everything I do. I will wake up each morning ready to get out of bed. So here goes nothing. Pray for me to not get discouraged and quit when I fail. I know that when I have achieved these things I will be a much happier and better person.


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